He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
