i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
