hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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