You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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