i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
