At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
