3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
