Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
