Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
