I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Damn victory sex feels great
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
