i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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