Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
