dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
