I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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