did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
