she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
