Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
