she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
