At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
