I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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