I'm passing your future prison.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
