your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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