Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
