his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
