hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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