How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize