This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
