Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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