I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
