she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
