Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
