How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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