We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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