Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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