oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
