I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize
