did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
