I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
