I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
