Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You made out with two different species that night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
