So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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