I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
