apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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