Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
