my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize