the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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