Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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