Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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