he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
