I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
