Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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