Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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