Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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