WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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