I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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