WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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