something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
