This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
